This year I will be making some important changes to my life...

"Holy Shower-Peep-Hole Batman!"

That's right through a super secret spyhole in the batcave I managed to get this artist's impression of  Bruce Wain shaving his pits (I guess to stop chaffage when using his grappling hook etc.) but the weird thing is he showers in a cowel!

I didnt have a camera with me as I was naked and holding something else at the time, so I thought the best thing to do was to cartoon what I saw and submit it to the papers, so far there has been no interest in the story.

Also I am a little worried as when I scarpered from the scene I think I triggered some kind of alarm, after which I heard a soapy Batman exclaiming something like 'I will hunt you down and end you, pervert!', but what's he going to do? I made the whole thing up, well not Batman, but the whole shower thing. I did it for the money, I know it was wrong, sorry. Anyway I'd better get back to fabricating lies to post on the internet.

Ooodles of Doodles...

News Flash!

I have successfully combined the two best things in the universe, I have made the most incredible match up since the Amalgam Comics classic 'Dark Claw'

Here it is the Zedi: (yup you guessed it! half zombie-half Jedi)

'These are not the brains your looking for'

That's right kids, an undead Jedi knight hungry for Jar Jar Binks' brain juice, to punish him for ruining the greatest film series of all time.

The Blue Prints

So as promised to my massive fanbase (tumbleweed slowly blows past, also uninterested) here are the blueprints for the aforementioned 'Greatest Invention Ever'

Best Bit:"He was lame...now he's cool" Worst bit: Blueprints are grey

As you can see it's really coming together now, and I doubt it will be long before the money starts rolling in.

I wont bore you with the science of it, but lets just say 'the world as we know it is going to change!'
(by world I mean my blog, and by change I mean get a few more posts.)

Forget public transport, exercise and long distance relationships, the future's here and it's in greyscale!

The greatest invention EVER!!!!!!!

I have devised perhaps the most awesomely awesome invention ever conceived.

Not only does it solve the world's fuel consumption and therefor pollution problems, but also tackles raising levels of obesity and my life's lack-of-awesomeness....

...Ladies and Gentlemen I bring you, the 'Tele-Fit 5000'

(huge applause from the whole world)

So in short this device teleports you to another Tele-Fit device anywhere in the world, burning only calories on the way. So as to keep it safe they are stored in the back of restaurants so you can munch up some glorious calories only to burn them in an instant on the way to your next eatery and ultimately your destination. It's going to revolutionise transport, empty roads freeing up land for more housing, make fat people thin, make lame people cool, it's going to fix everything!

Although only in the imaginary test phases, I have imagined it working very well, only yesterday imagining using it to go to the shops and back for a twix and burning 168 calories in the process (but then I imagined I felt guilty because the twix had about 250 calories in it).

I will guide you through every stage of the Tele-fit 5000's development from imagining, to doodling, to giving up, to forgetting about it, to having someone else make it years down the line (but giving it a better name), to filing a court case against them, to losing the court case (and in the process custody of my children), to becoming a drunk, to attempting suicide every night but being too cowardly to pull the trigger, to realising the dead prostitute on the floor has been there for 5 month's and I've been gnawing on here swollen knee's for sustenance, to realising it's not a prostitute but my neighbor's cat that I've been paying for sex, to paying the dead cat for sex.

Meat and Two Veg Episode 3: Jurrasic Pork